Visions and Being Visionary (My second sermon)

Here is my second sermon and a link to the audio. Thank you for reading it! I'm excited to be going to seminary at Sewanee this coming Fall and very grateful to have these opportunities to deliver sermons! :-) HERE is the audio!

Dr. Caroline Carson 2
Sixth Sunday of Easter
Year C
05.01.2016
Acts 16:9-15
Revelation 21:10, 22-22:5
John 14:23-29

Let’s talk about visions. All of our lessons this morning have examples of visions and actions related to what has been seen or presented. John’s visions in the Book of Revelation are grand and elaborately detailed. Did this John of Patmos ever have a vision of his own exile? A fascinating article in the online publication Patheos states: “Presumably, like many ancient Israelite prophets, John receives his visions while in a trance or some state of altered consciousness. What John saw and wrote has become the most influential — and controversial — vision in the history of Christianity. As Elaine Pagels observes in her book on Revelation, John’s apocalypse has served as source material for John Milton, Julia Ward Howe, Michelangelo, and Tim LaHaye.” (Patheos: John Turner “The Visions of John of Patmos”)

John’s vision of Christ led future generations to understand their Savior as — among many other New Testament images — the coming king, the lamb who was slain who becomes Satan’s vanquisher and who establishes a reign on earth. (Patheos) Without John’s vision, how would our vision have developed? Would we even have certain branches of the Protestant church? The river of the water of life, bright as crystal”, “the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit”. – these are other images in today’s reading that are rich with interpretation and history.

In our next reading, Paul had a vision and ended up in action, traveling to Macedonia. He had it in the night. One of the main differences I’ve found in studying for this morning is that dreams usually happen at night and visions happen during the daytime, while the person is awake. In Paul’s case, he shares the vision with his companions and together they decide to go to Macedonia immediately. He also seems to be able to “go with the flow”, freely, encountering and handling events he may not have expected based on his vision, in such a way as to learn, preach, and trust.

In today’s gospel lesson, Jesus presents a vision of the peace that will be shown to us through the Holy Spirit, the Advocate. He comforts us with this vision before it happens.

What about us? Don’t we have visions or ideas that we feel are from God? We human beings are visually oriented. Unlike many species we are the rare exception among living creatures in that we can see and dream in colors. We tend to think of things in visual ways, and often with “our mind’s eye.” Even when we think about large concepts we tend to do so in visual ways. For example, how do you visualize God?

One of the realities of being so visually oriented, is that many times what we imagine doesn’t always look like what we expected it to. This can be either good or bad, I must admit, I’ve seen folks, including myself, get annoyed, when things don’t go the way we expect. Many people have a “vision” of what they think the Christian life will be like and sometimes what we expected from God doesn’t always match the vision we had. So, the trick is to be flexible and discover the wonder of God doing things in our lives that perhaps we least expect. “Expect the unexpected”!

Reflections and even group discernment on our visions focus not just on messages about our personal relationships with God but on the nagging, yet inspiring call of God to be active in the community of faith. The move isn't inward toward self-absorption but outward, toward the wider world of God's grace and actions in the life that we share. Where is the Spirit calling us? What visions call us beyond the boundaries into ministry where we had not considered it before? Who are our modern day prophets?

When you answered the call of God, you were excited and energized about the possibility of service. You couldn't wait to get where you were going or do what you needed to do. But it was so unlike what you expected. I’ve had that happen to me, and I always ask God, "Are you sure this is what I am supposed to be doing?" phrased more like “REALLY, GOD?!, SERIOUSLY?”

So, Paul’s situation didn’t match up exactly like the vision he had. What’s a prophet to do? Don’t give up so easily. He slightly adjusted his sight and still found a great fulfillment. He accepted the reality he was presented with. The group stayed and worked and several women opened their hearts to the Gospel! He discovered the great hospitality of Lydia. If he had rejected the circumstances, there might never have been a Church planted in Philippi, which became one of the strongest and healthiest churches in the New Testament!

Too many times we miss God’s best because things do not always match our concept of “vision” in ministry! Challenge yourself to not simply see what is around you with your eyes, to possess a deeper sight to know what is right and true and needful for the good of all.

Back to today’s Gospel…In the vision Jesus gives us of the Holy Spirit, we know it is a spirit of peace, one which is not of this world. We are charged to “not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.” It seems as if he already knows we will be afraid and troubled, that we will doubt. Does our vision of the Holy Spirit match up to what Jesus intended for us? Are we still afraid and uneasy? Does peace look like what his vision of peace is? Do we even know peace? Luckily, we are told that the Holy Spirit will teach and remind us of everyone Jesus said to us.

Annnnnd just how are we reminded of God will come and make his home with us, in our hearts and in our minds? The reading, thought, and study of scripture. The act of prayer. Prayer, in my opinion, is a privilege….one in which we become closer to God. Guess what?! God actually exists and this is one way we can have a relationship with him. Presence…doing things or being in places that allow us to feel the Holy Spirit’s presence. Sometimes, it is simply to “be still and know” that God is God. Other times, we see Christ in others and / or their actions. For me sacred spaces hold a special way to feel God’s presence.

In sacred spaces, we are able to let down our hair, to release our guard, to truly feel, and to be very vulnerable and open. It is in THESE times that we truly allow the Holy Spirit in. Often, in these places, we allow ourselves to visualize, to daydream, perhaps even to have a vision.

These church doors are not simply opened for only those of deep faith. Our pews aren’t simply for people convinced they’re on the “right path”, however defined that is. Our church is a haven for the human experience, one filled with visions…..of glory AND of doubt. Sometimes, we think of faith and doubt as opposite ends to a line, along which we are constantly moving, to and from the different poles. MY vision paints more of a sphere, unique to each person and where there is room for a sacred atmosphere of doubt within the context of faith.

So, in a matter of speaking, I’m proposing that doubt can be a type of sacred space. A place where we experience, evaluate, and sometimes share our visions – of ministry, of God’s calling to us in our individual and collective experiences.

Can we minister to each other in such a way that we are able to rejoice in the heights of each others’ faith, while sitting with one another times of doubting? Is our mind’s understanding of a faith journey as a straight line? A line towards or away from some finite conclusion? Can we envision faith experience as a sacred sphere which is capable of having answers and ideas, but where we continuously learn and wonder? Are we prepared to be a space that honors the balance of faith and doubt that we all possess? Is that “visionary”?

Vision is the bridge between the present and the future. The experience of understanding God seems to rest with our acceptance that there are indeed things we cannot know. This balance of certainty and uncertainty is and always has been the faith experience, and it is all sacred.

This uncertainty creates a sense of community with others who share uncertainty. John’s Gospel seems to present both a sense of community and a goal of mission, centered around Jesus’ charge to love one another. It is this love that will bind the community together as followers of Jesus. But Jesus understands they cannot do this on their own. The group will need the Holy Spirit to gain an understanding of what Jesus meant when he spoke of loving one another and of peace.

What is the church is becoming? Visualizing the future, what the church will become in the face of modern pressures and doubts? Jesus’ encouragement was that even though he will be absent, we are still bound together in relation to God through the presence of the Holy Spirit in the community. Are we able to see similar bonds as we move forward along our own faith journeys? Do we offer, as people and as a church, sacred spaces - able to expect the unexpected and adjust when our realities turn out differently than what we had expected?

In the mystic words of St. Augustine:

So what are we to say about God?
If you have fully grasped what you want to say, it isn’t God.
If you have been able to comprehend it,
you have comprehended something else instead of God.
If you think you have been able to comprehend,
your thoughts have deceived you.
So God isn’t this, if this is what you have understood;
and if God is this then you haven’t understood it.
So what is it you want to say,
seeing you haven’t been able to understand it?

* God is with us, even in times of doubt – especially in times of doubt.

I leave you today with T.S. Elliot’s words “We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” As you travel the winding pathways of your faith experiences, personally and in community, I hope you all will expect the unexpected. I hope you experience the beauty of holy surprise, the vulnerability of sacred doubt, the presence in sacred spaces, and the power of vision, as you discover and rediscover yourselves in God’s great story. Amen.

Pakistani Christians: "One Must Keep Living"

"One must keep living", she said.
One must. How else would you cope in a society where terrorist attacks are a daily threat at any time and place and true security is only for the rich? How does one dress for terror? Simply put, the method of "keeping on keeping on" is what Pakistani Christians and Muslims both face these days. To be a Christian here though, is to be the minority and to risk your life and livelihood on a daily basis. Every Christian that I met asked me to ask you, directly, for your prayers. Faith is fervent here and prayers are held for us as a country and as a church - on a regular basis.

Photo by Caroline Carson

This image, taken on the edges of the city of Lahore, struck me more than any other from my recent visit to Pakistan. The Tower of Pakistan, often a site of political rallies and protests, stands imprisoned behind high walls and barbed wire. It is a main symbol of the country, representing past glories of a freer time and the hope and strength for a bright future. It is located in a large, slowly-redeveloping park and is, as with many venues, barred from general entry and it's grandeur held captive in the country's current trepidation.

                       

A little nervously, I left the US the day after Easter - the day after the bombing in Gulshan-e-Iqbal Park where a suicide bomber killed 74 people. This included at least 42 Christians and injured about 300 more, primarily women and children. The Pakistani Taliban’s Jamat-ul-Ahrar faction claimed responsibility for the attack. They also stated that they deliberately targeted Christians who were out enjoying a relaxing Easter afternoon. 

So, why Pakistan? Why did I go and why now? 

At the Episcopal General Convention in 2015, the Moderator, or Presiding Bishop of the Church of Pakistan, I met the Rt. Rev'd Samuel Azariah and he invited me to visit Pakistan and teach music, give some of my NASA Solar System Ambassador presentations in the schools, and to learn about the Diocese of Raiwind and the Church of Pakistan. While I did do all of these things, my visit gained an additional new focus in the light of the recent bombing and the fact that I was an American, coming to Pakistan against all US Dept. of State travel warnings at a time of heightened concerns. 

I briefly considered not going, but then considered what that would do to my sense of call and confidence. Because there are not very many Americans in Pakistan, I felt that having this chance to make a good connection was a priceless opportunity. We have the chance as travelers (different sometimes than tourists) to stand up to society's fears, bust through stereotypes, create goodwill, and see beyond the cover of the book. It helps us see life for the beautiful, diverse, wonder that it is. I also felt very called to be there, even more so after the bombing. Pakistani Christians have been through so many bombings. I wanted to personally deliver the message that we also desire their peace and safety. I wanted to reach out and deliver messages of friendship, perhaps creating a link between our two dioceses. Having traveled to 32 countries so far, I understand that Americans are not always viewed in positive light. 

Even if I am one drop in a giant bucket, I'd like to work on changing that image. 

I asked our schoolchildren at St. Paul's Episcopal in New Orleans to make messages and cards that I could bring with me to Pakistan. I felt that some of the families affected would appreciate these cards, but even more so after the Easter Day bombing. My new Pakistani friends in the Junior Church in the Diocese of Raiwind made some cards in reciprocation and I'll deliver them to our church this Sunday!

Once in Pakistan, the word on the street about the bombing was somewhat different. There is active debate as to whether not the Taliban group was specifically targeting Christians and during my two weeks in Lahore, I witnessed a general sense arising that the goal was to target children, Muslim and Christian alike. Recently, women and children have been used more for suicide bombings. There is speculation that the Easter day bomber may have been a woman. Many Pakistanis felt that this bombing was more associated with backlash from the high-profiled case of Mumtaz Qadri, a former policeman whose recent hanging for murder of Salmaam Taseer had enraged a section of the Muslim community. Taseer had spoken out against Pakistan's Blasphemy law. The week after Easter, there were massive protests in Islamabad that were related to this Blasphemy case. Security was compromised enough that I could not make the visit to Islamabad and Taxila, an important archaeological site.

When I arrived in Lahore, Bishop Azariah had already held one meeting of local Christian leaders and had now called a meeting of interfaith religious leaders to discuss how to cope with recent terror events, how to move forward, and how to make an active difference that would reach beyond words. The Church of Pakistan had stepped immediately into action.

Basic information about the Diocese of Raiwind, directly from their website states: 

" The Church of Pakistan is the result of the union of four denominations: Anglicans, Methodist, Lutheran and Presbyterians (Scottish), which took place in 1970. Initially, there were four dioceses in the Church of Pakistan, i.e. Karachi, Multan, Lahore and Sialkot, but in 1980, through a special resolution and for better ministerial work, four new dioceses were created: Hyderabad, Raiwind, Faisalabad and Peshawar. There is a presiding bishop for the Church of Pakistan who is known as the Moderator and has responsibility for a three year term. The united Church of Pakistan is the second largest church in the country after the Roman Catholic Church."

What isn't on their website, but is reflected on their facebook page, is that they are extremely active in peace building and often hold interfaith and community events for peace and goodwill. They also hold rallies for the rights of minorities, have programs to support women affected by trafficking, and provide much-needed medical support in outlying areas. Many of these areas are malaria endemic and stricken by abject poverty. 

The diocesan staff is amazing and efficient, but tackling terror? Many of them said out loud to me during my visit that they would rather put themselves in danger and put their lives at risk for something good that to sit by idly in a corner, struck down by fear. "If we sit on our corner, that is no way to live and then the terrorists have won." 
"One must keep living."

Tea with a Terrorist
On my first evening in Lahore, Bishop Azariah and I sat down in the diocesan courtyard for tea and one by one, various religious leaders joined us and it turned into an amazing discussion of politics, ideas for solutions to terror, the nature of bad things, and so much more. The main goal of the meeting of interfaith religious leaders was to come up with something tangible and concrete that could be done instead of mere words. While words are needed, everyone I spoke with agreed that terrorist attacks have become so commonplace in Pakistan that it is the norm to expect them. After a day or two in the news, people tend to move on. 
That is another form of real terror, when society becomes conditioned to injustices. 
When mourning has no pause. 
The first person to walk up and join our tea was the Maulana Hafiz Tahir Mehmood Ashrafi. "Maulana" is often the appropriate word for addressing or referring to a Muslim religious scholar that is respected. It took me a few minutes of listening and then talking with him to realize I was having tea with a former terrorist...a former Afghan Taliban member, a Freedom Fighter and Jihadist supporter. The Maulana had several experiences, while in these different allegiances, that prompted him as an educated man, to re-read the Quran. In so doing, he discovered more about the truly peaceful nature of Islam and began to change some of his actions. He had been treated with respect by Christians on several occasions and in searching, found no basis for being against them. He and Bishop Azariah had begun in argument and ended up as friends...the kind of friends with whom you can argue well and disagree. Currently, he still holds strong connections to many diverse groups and has helped the Christian community multiple times when some have received death threats or terror threats. 

Iain Cunningham (Church of Scotland), Rev'd Emmanuel Khokhar (Dean of the Cathedral of the Praying Hands), Moderator Samuel Azariah, Bishop Mano Rumalshah (Bishop Emeritus of the Diocese of Peshawar),the Maulana Hafiz Tahir Mehmood Ashrafi, Sandy Sneddon, and John Hodge (Ch. of Scotland)

I asked him if forces were to take out some of the terrorist cell leaders, would that ever help or provide a breakthrough in the brainwashing that goes on or the training of suicide bombers. Maulana Ashrafi answered that behind every leader was a huge number of hopefuls waiting in the wings to become a leader and "do honor". He then explained that quite often these Taliban members get their start as idle or homeless kids, ostracized from groups. Some of them grow into being marginalized and so they seek a group where they feel they belong. Others join with the Taliban because they lack basic necessities such as food or water. They eventually associate comfort and family with these extremist groups.
Sound familiar, America? From my high school teaching experiences in Georgia, I know this to sometimes be similar to how young people join gangs.

Bishop Samuel Azariah asked a question: "Should we be asking - who are the true Muslims? or What is the true Islam?"
The Maulana answered "We are in denial if we say that the people who did this are Muslims. There is also a deeply-ingrained mentality from many that other countries are to blame."

Many of these suicide bombers come out of small "madrassas" that are disillusioned with the mainline denominations and choices of religions. A madrassa is a Muslim religious school. The international media reports the attack as (primarily) "against Christians" and this is not helpful.

Sometimes when groups evangelize their own religions to the point where they are no longer tolerant of others, this has a drastic effect. There has long been a mindset in this region that group is trying to convert each other. There has also been a feeling that Muslims were forcibly being converted by Christians. "We are the only way and the rest are heretics."

It was noted that when terrorists want to make a larger incident, they target Christians because they know that the West exaggerates this and that they make a huge picture of it.
Could it be that our mindset is the issue? True religious leaders and these religions are actually peaceful.

Soon others joined us, including Bishop Mano Rumalshah, now a friend and decidedly one of the most wise people I have ever met. Also present were three members of the Church of Scotland World Mission Council: Iain Cunningham (Convener of the World Mission Council), Sandy Sneddon, and John Hodge. It was decided in the tea that an interfaith prayer vigil at Gulshan-e-Iqbal park would take place on Sunday, April 3 at the same time as the Easter day bombing. This would be something defiantly holy. 

Photo by Iain Cunningham, Church of Scotland World Mission Council Convener

There had been a press release about the interfaith prayer vigil and worry began that it would be re-targeted, but all was well. The event was extremely powerful and moving. 
Warned that the park would be closed for security, we arrived to find Gulshan-e-Iqbal opened. About 200 people were present: local Muslim and Christian leaders, two of my colleagues from the Church of Scotland, myself from The Episcopal Church, and some families of the victims. Security was high, but it seemed that if one was intent upon re-bombing the site, it would not prove to be difficult. The event was MUCH shorter than similar events would be in this culture and I think this was advised, but also good. Normally, it would have lasted a few hours with various speeches, prayers, and songs.

I went. I prayed. I cried. I gave our condolences from the Diocese of Louisiana and from The Episcopal Church. Children are children and the horror of losing them in such senseless violence reaches a depth where no words remain. More tears came when I saw a little brother of one of the victims. He was too young to understand it all, but he was profoundly sad. I held a candle and the hands of my fellow humans, Muslim, Christian, Hindu, and I felt what it is to be in communion with each other. This is so important. God is so much bigger than all of our separateness. We are a human family. I listened as everyone sang Psalm 20 together. 

Photo by The Diocese of Raiwind

In my second week in Lahore, I attended an international peace building meeting. It was hosted by (and at) the Diocese of Raiwind and sponsored in part by the NCA (the Norwegian Church Association) and the Royal Norwegian Assembly. People in attendance included: Raheel Sharoon (Development Officer for the Diocese of Raiwind), Noman Sajad (Raiwind Peace Building Department), Naufil Naseer (Programme Advisor of the Royal Norwegian Embassy), Thor Danielsson (Norwegian Church Association and Pakistan representative for the NCA, living in Islamabad), Thomas Berdal (First Secretary:Political for the Royal Norwegian Assembly), Amal Zara (Forman Christian College student in sociology and studying political science - and she's singing in my young adult group here at the diocese!), Rev.d Samuel from south Punjab, Ahmed from the Muslim community, myself (a Postulant in the Episcopal Diocese of Louisiana), Amreek Singh of the Sikh Community, and Prem Prakash from the Hindu Community.

We discussed the needs of people affected by terrorism. In Lahore, where most of these incidents are targeted, there is a great deal of grassroots work being done in peacemaking and connecting communities. 

The first question came from the Norwegian First Secretary Ambassador: 
"With attacks on the city and the recent Easter Day bombing, how has the blast affected your diocesan work, the city, etc.? Was it an attack on Christians?"
Responses from the room:
There are two perspectives: 

1. It was an attack on the Christian community and 

2. It was an attack on Humanity itself.

The damage of the bomb is done, but the interfaith coalition of religious leaders has come out of it. As heard several times, this was decidedly an attack on children. The blast was done in the center of where young children were playing and the rides were not meant for adults to ride.

Some important points that came out of the meeting included:
1. Terrorist attacks happen when things are going very well and these extremist groups try to create a rift between community groups. 
2. Every time our peace building efforts get to "level 5" of making a difference, something happens and we are taken back to the drawing board.

What Steps Can Make Peace Building More Lasting and Effective?
- Events such as the interfaith payer vigil at the site of the bombing.
- Events such as this a public walk comprised of religious leaders down one of the busiest roads in Lahore.
- These events show solidarity with each other.
- It took the Diocese of Raiwind many years before the Christian and Muslim guests would eat together on our campus, but time and efforts have helped this along.
 - We must also talk to our fellow peace builders in many places so as to keep our hope alive when something terrible happens. The world is indeed our community. (Great and true point.)
- If they (the terrorists) are being so relentless in their attacks, then why should we not be?

If the bombing had not happened so recently, I wouldn't have necessarily gone, but I felt it was important to be there as a representative of my church, as an American, as a fellow person of faith, as a person of peace, and as a human. True faith is not lived underground and for this, our hearts were filled. On Good Friday, Christ breaks all barriers that come as obstacles in the beauty of our creation. On this day of vigil, we broke the cycle of terror, even if it was for one moment. We cannot be "an Easter people" without reliving the depths of divine despair, yet we must remember "One must keep living."

~ Dr. Caroline Carson is a Postulant in the Diocese of Louisiana and will be enrolled in the Sewanee School of Theology's MDiv program beginning in August, 2016.

~ Link to Facebook album (public) Photos from Pakistan

Coming Soon: 
~ Lahore's Brick Kilns, a Humanitarian Crisis
~ Music & Space: Adventures of Teaching in Pakistan

A Quote About Being Christian

"Whatever you do today, do it well", from Live58

‪#‎service‬ ‪#‎Episcopal‬ ‪#‎Luther‬ ‪#‎faith‬ ‪#‎prayer‬ ‪#‎Anglican‬

The Trinity, Daily Prayer, Episcopal Space Blog, and St. Patrick's Bad Analogies

So this post is about prayer, challenges, the confusing and mysterious Trinity, and my new blog.                                                        #shamelessplug  - All exciting stuff! :-) 
What does God challenge me to do, be, or change - with regards to 2 Corinthians 13:11-13?

What does this tell us about the nature of the Trinity? (We also read Matthew 28:16-20.) 

These were the questions at the Bible study portion of our weekly staff meeting this morning. These are two of the lessons for this Sunday, June 15th, 2014, Trinity Sunday.  It goes right along with what I was writing last night about creating a space for daily prayer and reflection. In reading these lessons and pondering about the simple, yet confusing concept and nature of the Trinity....well, WOW, there's a lot to ponder. 

The Christian faith is resolutely Trinitarian and regardless of how I individually might struggle with this concept, the community fills in those faith gaps. While I dare not to make an heretical analogies just yet (see the veeeery end of this post for some of St. Patrick's Bad Analogies), I decided that our standard for the nature of the Holy Trinity as community is one aspect of our human struggle to remember by the actions of the second verse of 2 Corinthians: "Put things in order, listen to my appeal, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you" ---  to actually receive the last verse of 2 Corinthians: "The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with all of you".

That sounds awfully confusing. What I think I mean is that it seems like we continually strive for that last verse....we continually hope for and grow spiritually into the grace which is given us, grow through the love God has given us, and grow with the communion of the Holy Spirit in one another and with God. I see the ability to be in communion and fellowship with one another at various times and in various places as one of our challenges. I hope for our world that we will continue to strive for this and also take into account that perhaps the "communion of the Saints" doesn't solely represent those who have gone before, but those in the here and now! I feel that we need to create a space for the active Holy Trinity to be active in our lives, in the now. The Eternal nature of God provides for seeing his different aspects over time. One of the challenges to myself is to foster that continuous spiritual growth, realization of grace, and hope for community and one way I hope to do that is to continue daily prayer and/or reflections. Even if I don't arrive at any earth-shattering conclusions with my reflections - that's OK, but at least I am moving in the right direction. A passage from a book I recently read, Episcopal Questions, Episcopal Answers, written by one of my best friends, C.K. Robertson, and Ian S. Markham, states: 

"Constantly throughout the Bible, we see these three different aspects of God move and connect and interrelate. So, for example, at the baptism of Jesus (see Matthew 3:13-17), we see Jesus (the Word) being baptized, the Father's divine affirmation of the mission, and the Holy Spirit descending like a dove. It is because of this three-fold movement of God that we are baptized in the name of the "Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.". I find this very helpful. I also find it helpful that we "have seasons in our lives" where we might struggle with the concept of a Triune God. The book is VERY worth reading and can be bought here. He has tons of fantabulous books at his website, check it out! C.K. Robertson

When it comes to that daily prayer........Do we sit down and reserve and spend some time for God in my daily life and activities? Do we forget? Do we see it as a reflex, a habit, a necessity, a gift, or what? What do we do with this thing called prayer? I can tell you without reservation that for different portions of my life, I tended to save prayer for right before I went to sleep. I had the idea that it was supposed to be a private affair and quiet and....well, that made it rather stagnant. What would happen? I'd fall asleep OF COURSE! Was that a bad thing? Probably not dire, but I felt badly about it. It's not too cool to feel you are failing at faith and prayer. 

It was also indicative that I was definitely not giving God enough space in my being. Throughout my life, my ideas of prayer have certainly evolved and largely in part to my living into the greater Church, into The Episcopal Church, and witnessing how others dealt with faith and how they prayed. I came to realize that doubt is part of faith, and sometimes failures can be the "roads less traveled by"  that can lead to triumphs in disguise. Prayer is a necessity, a reflex at times, and a gift. I strive to live and focus on realizing and recognizing that our whole lives ARE ministries and many times, our actions can show our faith. These are easy things to forget and I was recently reminded by our bishop of this fact that our whole lives are ministries - it was wonderful to hear again. I believe that God is infinite and therefore space is as well. I believe that within us lies infinite potential and wonder. I feel that connecting these elements is as necessary as breathing.

Are daily prayer and reflection a part of my life? I'm excited to say that right now, they are! 

So, I do actually find the time these days to pray daily, but it's because it's summer and I've got

Hibiscus: C. Carson

loads of time (cue laughter) on my hands :-) I'm kidding. Seriously though, I am finding that daily prayer can take many forms: meditation, prayer, scriptural reading and mulling over it, breathing in the spirit of being still and knowing that God's presence (nature, walking in City Park, etc.) and basically acting out or being prayer. I consider that nature photography can be a form of prayer.  It is sharing time with God and acknowledging his presence in our lives that gives us wholeness. I've known these things for years, but perhaps it is where I am in life right now that allows me to live it rather than to simply see or say it. 

One of my favorite things to say when I wake up is: How can I be more loving today? 

Another is: What can I do for you today, God? It gets me thinking about my actions and motives.

Two years ago, I found myself wanting to combine aspects of my life.....perhaps those that seemed unlikely partners. One such combo ended up being what I call "Coffee with God". Sound silly? That's ok, it does to me too sometimes and it makes me laugh and I'm ok with that. It came about because of my coffee habit. I am pretty much addicted to coffee and tea and Snapple Mango Madness. Just ask me about my Starbucks mocha frappuccino habit. No, I'm lying, don't ask me. Just buy me one. I like and am addicted to the crackfish at Lakeview Grocery too, but that's another post, literally.

St. Paul's Episcopal, New Orleans. Baptismal
font and window at sunset. C. Carson

So the "Coffee with God" was a way for me to make a good thing out of a questionable thing. I bought my coffee or Snapple and came into the St. Paul's NOLA sanctuary and sat and spent time with God in meditation, prayer, and sharing my hopes and dreams and it helped open me up beyond belief! Who knew?! God knew.

One thing I completely love doing is spending time online. Yes, I admit, I am an online junkie of sorts. It's not so bad until I realize I've been leaning over a computer and that hours have passed. For the past two years, I have made concerted efforts to subdue this habit of mine and while I still spend plenty of time online and on social media, I have indeed learned to give these things their times and places. I've learned to cut my phone off (and I'm from South Carolina so "cut off" is normal speak :-) With the time that I allow myself, during the past twelve months, I decided to see if I could focus some of my online efforts and mix them with productivity. 
I realized that with a blog, website, and several social media outlets, I am slightly overproductive at times. Prolifically, annoyingly, continuously productive in content, commentary, and reading everyone's else's productivity as well. BUT I LOVE IT SO.    What to do, what to do.....

Then, one evening, during my Eastertide reflections and reading someone else's blog......

IT HIT ME...

Why don't I include some prayerful blog posts?! It was a PERFECT match for me and the idea of accountability in prayer. For sure, this is one of my attempts at daily prayer and meditation and as we struggle to find time in our over-filled and joyfully busy lives, why not take some time to share what we love doing and OPENLY INCLUDE GOD. Yes indeed! With this, there will always be more to do and new ideas, continuous growth and deep reflection!

It's silly how much I love the grass template combined with the space waternark!!! :-)

So, my current blog, CARSONIA continued and Episcopal Space was born! (Check them out if you have time..... #shamelessplug )  I love space, I love Episcopal prayers, I love blogging, and VOILA! Seeing images of our solar system, the universe, and what lies beyond our realm of influence amazes me. It overwhelms me. With all of the science background I have and all that I have read and heard from scientists and astrophysicists, it simply reinforces for me that it is all divinely created. I decided to include a daily post of a space image with an Episcopal prayer, a hymn text, a psalm verse or another text! I am hoping to keep it up for my own daily meditation and reflection. I also see space as Trinitarian. The Universe is about 13.82 billion years old (Big Bang Theory) so that is the distant past. We exist now. Someone else sees our star's light or receives our radio signal in the future and for them, it will be the present and yet is will be our past. It's just SO. INSANELY. COOL. Sometimes I truly struggle to get every little thing done, but what's it all for if we don't allow and ensure that God is in and influencing our lives, our  thoughts, our feelings, our very spaces? 

Milky Way Over Quiver Tree Forest
http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap121212.html 

Check out these fabulous sites and blogs when you get the chance:

Astronomy Picture of the Day - APOD

Church Social Media - #chsocm

Episcopal Cafe - ecafe

One Cannot Have Too Large a Party

Seven Whole Days 

50 Days of Fabulous

Riding With Robots

More Meredith Gould

Not Another Episcopal Church Blog

Rev. Dr. Cameron Partridge
Wynn Worlds

And so I close this rambling mixed bag of a post with wishing you luck on your faith journey wherever you may be. Wish me luck with continued prayer and reflections! I charge you to think about your daily prayer and how you can include God and prayer in various aspects of your life that you may have previously thought impossible or perhaps have yet to consider - and to do this between Sundays! While you're at it, some of the images and experiences in the blogs mentioned above may help you or inspire you! Think about how we experience the divine in our daily lives, how we strive to grow spiritually in communion with one another and the saints. We hopefully won't get to a point where we feel we have "arrived" as prayer isn't something to simply check off on a list, but hopefully we may continuously grow spiritually throughout our lives and in all aspects of our lives. 
As for the Trinity, let me know how you handle that :-) Since you made it to the end, you deserve a reward....check out St. Patrick's bad analogies of the Trinity
Peace,
Caroline
PS. "COME ON, PATRICK!"

In Remembrance - Entering Holy Week

As we enter into Holy Week, I would like to share a beautiful piece of choral music with you:
In Remembrance from Requiem by Canadian composer Eleanor Daley.

This time of year can bring a mix of nostalgia, spiritual discomfort, and great rejoicing. To steal and paraphrase a few words from Father Rob's sermon this morning: "I hope you will come and have your feet washed this Maundy Thursday. It might embarass you or make you feel uncomfortable - it's supposed to. I hope you will take an hour out of your time to pray during the Gethsemane Watch. You will probablyt be sleepy. You're supposed to be sleepy. Peter was sleepy." Good points. Should we allow ourselves to emote as well? Of course! How?

For me, Holy Week is usually spring break so my body says STOP & REST, but a different kind of service calls me and makes me excited and ENERGETIC again! I have a job that directly affects people's worship experiences and to some extent what they get out of the services. Sometimes, the repertoire that I bring to the choir and that we bring to the congregation helps people find a kind of release, find a connection with God, or perhaps drag them kicking and screaming to rejoice in the renewal of grace that no one is sure they actually deserve. Whatever the reaction, I am quite sure that times such as Holy Week and Easter poke at and unearth memories and experiences of the past. For many, it is viewed as a sorrowful time of guilt and remembrance of Jesus' death on the cross. For others, it's their one time of the year to show up and socialize with a flowery hat. For still more, it is a roller coaster of cross, prayer, guilt, sorrow, grace, rejoicing, and thankfulness.

I love this setting of "Do Not Stand at my Grave and Weep". I conduct it slightly differently, but I love the way it is done here by the Stanford University Chamber Singers.
I programmed this work as an Introit for Easter morning at St. Paul's Episcopal, New Orleans, to be sung from the balcony. My idea is to make a connection with the women who went to Jesus' tomb on the third day and could not find him there. First they are sorrowful and then they are glad. It reminds me to see the Divine in all things and not to grieve. I changed the last line to "I am alive" (so as not to negate the Resurrection - though I suppose in a philosophical way, "I did not die" still works).

The text is the poem  Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep
written by Mary Elizabeth Frye in 1932.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.

Here is Daley's choral setting performed by the Stanford University Chamber Singers on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPjYsFJND1M