Forgotten

Found this poem on the Hello Poetry website. It fits how I'm feeling this Friday afternoon completely. SO. COMPLETELY. It's been a super hard week, but a terrific week. I've got tons going on and for me. I'm whining a bit though. I am reminded that there are millions who feel this way every hour of the day. I would not wish that upon anyone, but I know it's likely many feel it. Frankly, I know not everyone can have all days be fantastic and I"m sure it will make the great times feel greater, but it stinks while you're down. Today, someone changed an appt., another rainchecked a lunch (good reason), and someone else's word choice about something minor was poor and left me feeling terrible. Last year, the question was: how many times does one hint around being included before one simply stops asking? Today brought some of that back. Everything was unintentional I am quite sure, I do know that. Still, it's been a rough day. I'm allowed to have them and it always brings me to prayer and ponderings with God. Yes I shed some tears. I needed to and now I feel better. It's not a bowl of roses now, but it' not as bad as I make it out to be. I hope whoever wrote the poem below is feeling better and I hope I do and if you're having a down sort of day or moment, I hope you will soon feel better too! Hang in there!

anonymous crazy person thingy Feb 2015
FORGOTTEN

Forgotten.
"I didn't realise you weren't there"
"I actually forgot all about you"
"I'm so sorry I forgot our appointment"
How many times
Can one be forgotten?
Oblivion is the state of being completely forgotten,
They say it comes with death
Yet I have achieved it in life.

Words Fail Me

Racism and anti-Semitism again raising their voices and engaging in violence. I am thoroughly disgusted with the white supremacists, the rhetoric they feed upon, and especially the overt destruction of the civil progress our nation has actually made (and I know we have a long way to go). This feels like it's basically a form of terrorism. As humans, we are far, FAR more alike than we are different.

Words fail me, maybe they fail us all, but I pray that there is an end to the violence and the belief that violent acts can foster an end to the marginalization that any group feels or experiences. When it is enough to make us all speak out simultaneously? How many violent acts resulting in injuries (to body or spirit) equal a reason that touches each of us enough to react as a whole? What is the point at which we can no longer stand the persecution of our friends, neighbors, and fellow citizens *of the human race*?

I realize offering prayers might not feel right for some, but it feels right for me right now. I realize it might seem like more failed or distant words, but I believe common prayer can have communion of spirit and maybe that's what I can hang onto tonight while I mull over and try to understand the "why" of it all.

I offer this prayer for Social Justice from the Book of Common Prayer:

Almighty God, who hast created us in thine own image: Grant us grace fearlessly to contend against evil and to make no peace with oppression; and, that we may reverently use our freedom, help us to employ it in the maintenance of justice in our communities and among the nations, to the glory of thy holy Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who liveth and reigneth with thee and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

I also offer this prayer from “A Year of Prayer to End Racism” from the Diocese of West Virginia:

“Creator of all people, in our amazing diversity of size, shape, color, and giftedness: guide us, by your grace, to recognize the beauty and fitness of all whom you have made in your own image. Give us gifts of humility and generosity of spirit to recognize in all people, the face of our Savior, Jesus, and to practice his commandment to “love one another,” toward the end of bringing harmony and peace among persons of all colors, origins, and abilities, for the sake of your Kingdom.” Amen.

Racism is NOT ok.
Bigotry is NOT ok.
Intolerance is NOT ok.
Violence is NOT ok.

Gratitude

Today was my last Sunday as director of music ministry at St. Paul's Episcopal Church in New Orleans. Last night, my beautiful, sweet, caring, fun, and amazing congregation threw me a gigantic going away party and fundraiser. 

It was a 50's themed Grease dinner/dance event, complete with poodle skirts, pony tails, delicious 50's comfort foods, live music, tributes, balloons, letter jackets, and much more! 

IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!!!

Here's a piece of the Second Line I got to lead with my parasol "made of Episcopal colors!"   

(Please excuse the giant gap between the video and this text...something in the embed code I don't understand!) 
As usual, I was a little nervous, but that passed very quickly as people entered, laughter ensued, and hugs were shared. SUCH a wonderful evening! I got to talk to so many folks that I wouldn't have been able to reach otherwise because of everyone's busy schedule. 

I also got to dance and I was serenaded - twice! The first song was "Summer Nights" from Grease with new lyrics written by my dear friend Meg that totally busted me and my stickers, puns, and coffee habits. I laughed SO HARD! Everyone enjoyed that and laughed right along with me! I promise to add the photo of the lyrics tomorrow. (It's in my car down the block and I am being lazy right now.)
*holding spot for the picture / text *
Next, I was given the benediction written by John Rutter sung by three choir members and it was super lovely and heartfelt. I cried. I love them so much.
Several folks spoke and my heart is so full from hearing their kind words. I will miss everyone so very much. 
My organist Liliia, who has taken up painting as a hobby, even painted a portrait of me WITH STARS in the background! 

I know that I will return. I will see them again. It's difficult to leave, but I am SO EXCITED for the journey ahead! I'm deeply grateful for St. Paul's - my choir, Fr. Rob, Bishop Duncan Gray, Fr. Ed, the congregation, the staff, our amazing school, and the beautiful building itself. I thank God EVERY DAY for this place and such genuinely loving people. I have changed in seven years here and I have grown. I have opened. 
In a super cliche of words....
I am extremely grateful!
It's hard for me to accept gifts sometimes. It's also hard sometimes to accept unconditional love. I have trouble during these wonderful times with overthinking and wondering what I can do to say thanks or to give back in response to such wonderful support and love. I will "give back" by studying my rear off (and there's plenty of THAT to work off!), working on a fulltime ministry of BEING - and at that - being a student of theology. This is all a given. It's what I'm going to seminary to do. In addition, I am stepping back and enjoying this love and these fun times. I am accepting this wondrous love. I am simply being grateful. 

You know what? It makes it easier to see God this way.
God is love...
I see God in the people of St. Paul's and in their ministries. I see it in the ways that they interact with me and with others. I'm seeing and experiencing God in the outpouring of thanks and love.
Expressing gratitude helps us benefit from the world and people around us. By getting out of ourselves, we become blessed. It also helps me to think that one doesn't create gratitude, but one sort of...."channels" it. How do we know the depths of gratitude? I think we must become aware of its source which for me, is God. Practicing gratitude allows us to connect with God through the humility it brings, followed by God's grace. How's that for a cool circle / trinity of motion?! 
Mind.blown.
Gratitude also reveals how much we need God, love, and each other.

So, THANK YOU my dearest St. Paul's and friends!!!! I love you all! I will savor the love, kind words, songs, cards, gifts, and laughter.  Thank you SO MUCH for my very first study Bible and the GORGEOUS St. Paul's cross! Thank you for also letting me keep my office laptop as I am in need of a computer that isn't thirteen years old with 100 MB left on it (yikes!) 
You are not only in my heart, but you own a piece of it :-) 
"God be with you til we meet again..."

(I'll be returning to New Orleans for holidays after semester exams and Sewanee's Lessons & Carols and I'll be spending a couple of weeks in the Crescent City. It will be in a different capacity, but I will be helping out at St. Paul's as needed. I know I'll probably be doing some singing. In the community, I'll be conducting a New Orleans Civic Symphony concert and the fabulous St. Paul's Lessons & Carols!)

A Journey to Pakistan

(from Nov. 2015)
Pakistan!

I'm excited to share that I've been invited to visit and present choral workshops and church music training in Pakistan! I am thrilled to have this unique opportunity to visit this country, meet tons of people, including Pakistani Anglicans, and to learn about The Church of Pakistan!

Pakistan is a country I've been curious about visiting for a few years and, while I considered applying for the VISA in 2014, I did not. I was in India at the time and learned that Indo-Pak relations aren't the best. The VISA application was also pretty daunting... As it turned out, I now have an official letter of invitation and sponsors!

So what is this all about? 

Last summer (June 2015), I was very fortunate to be an Alternate Delegate to the 78th General Convention of The Episcopal Church, held in beautiful Salt Lake City, Utah. While there, I was representing our Episcopal Diocese of Louisiana (EDOLA) as Media in addition to serving as an Alternate. I was able to meet with friends, the fabulous and friendly group of Episcopal Communicators, and also various church leaders and representatives. I interviewed some folks and shook hands with or had coffee with others. One person I met was Bishop Samuel Azariah, the primate and president bishop / Moderator of The Church of Pakistan. His home Diocese is The Diocese of Raiwind. Here is some information about the Diocese, directly from their website: 

" The Church of Pakistan is the result of the union of four denominations: Anglicans, Methodist, Lutheran and Presbyterians (Scottish), which took place in 1970. Initially, there were four dioceses in the Church of Pakistan, i.e. Karachi, Multan, Lahore and Sialkot, but in 1980, through a special resolution and for better ministerial work, four new dioceses were created: Hyderabad, Raiwind, Faisalabad and Peshawar. There is a presiding bishop for the Church of Pakistan who is known as the Moderator and has responsibility for a three year term. The united Church of Pakistan is the second largest church in the country after the Roman Catholic Church."

The Diocese of Raiwind experienced several bombings in the spring of 2015 that had remained in my thoughts. We lifted them in prayer at St. Paul's Episcopal. The two churches that were bombed were St. John's Roman Catholic Church in Peshawar and Christ Church in Lahore (a Church of Pakistan church and a member of the Anglican Communion.) At the time, I couldn't get over how resilient those affected were or how awful the situation had become with regards to religious intolerance. Just how does one recover from a suicide bombing and retain faith in the community? This kind of thing means that the community needs you even more.

The Diocese of Raiwind is extremely active. They are leaders in peacemaking efforts and often hold conferences which involve international guests. Bishop Azariah told me about some of the activities, including a small group from Sweden that visited and taught about music. I was intrigued. The Diocese regularly holds educational gatherings and gatherings to promote peace and well-being. They love music and sometimes hold Christian music conventions. HERE is the link to their blog post describing the activities. Their Facebook page is very active and describes events taking place around the Diocese. 

The hospitality and friendship to me has already been amazing and I am super excited about having such a wonderful opportunity!

* Basic info and some interesting statistics here about Christianity in Pakistan.

The Episcopal New Service article HERE about the 2015 Pakistani bombings is eye-opening. In 2013, there were also bombings in Peshawar and Lahore. An article by the Episcopal Digital Network has details HERE. In looking for other info about the bombings, I also found this.

Pakistan's notorious Blasphemy Laws are also still in effect. Created to prevent blasphemy against any religion, these laws have been used differently in various situations by various groups over the years with most of the accusations against non-Muslim minorities, resulting in life in jail or death penalties which many believe were not warranted. Though I'm not sure if the death penalties have actually been carried out, I have read that Pakistanis have been killed as a result of blasphemy via mob attacks and similar events. Here is a recent story (Nov. 2015).

Photo of Christmas festivity in Christ Church, Lahore - by Shekeel Medeeha - http://www.christiansinpakistan.com/christmas-festivity-in-lahore/ 

How Safe is Pakistan?

Well, that varies depending on your source. Keeping a low profile, avoiding crowds and heavily-populated places, and limiting publicity/media/social media about the trip and details is recommended. In spite of U.S. Dept. of State Travel Warnings to defer non-essential travel to Pakistan, few Americans have been affected by incidents.

I'm very excited for the possibility of taking this trip! I feel called to share my gifts in my own special way and to talk to the people there, make new connections, and show them that we are the same. Because there are not very many Americans in Pakistan, I feel like having this chance to make a good connection is a unique and once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I am especially honored and blessed to be doing it as an Episcopalian and with the connections that will be made. We have the chance as travelers (different sometimes than tourists) to stand up to society's fears, bust through stereotypes, create goodwill, and see beyond the cover of the book. It helps us see life for the beautiful, diverse, wonder that it is.

~ Caroline

(written Nov. 2015 and slightly updated March 2016)

Choir of St. Paul's Episcopal, New Orleans Sings for St. Bernard Project Event: Nun's Build

My wonderful, sweet choir at St. Paul's Episcopal did SUCH A FANTASTIC JOB last night singing at a St. Bernard Project community event held at the Knights of Columbus Hall. The event was a thank you dinner for Nun's Build for their week of disaster recovery construction work in New Orleans. Nuns Build is comprised of dedicated sisters and non-Nun friends from across the US. I'm so proud of this wonderful, dedicated, and super-talented choir! GREAT WORK, ALL! Thanks to a former choir member, working for the St. Bernard Project, for inviting us!

We sang: I'm Gonna Rise by Paul Marsena, Away in a Manger (both the William Kirkpatrick and Norman traditional tunes), and Andrae Crouch's Soon and Very Soon - all some of our "lighter" repertoire :-)

Palm Sunday at St. Paul's Episcopal Church, NOLA

Here is our album of photos from yesterday's Palm Sunday service and potluck at St. Paul's Episcopal, New Orleans. In the morning, I decided to play with sunlight and got a few photos I really liked :-)

During the week, I'll be adding more to this album and hopefully and few others will as well!
Here is the link: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10153163464741635.1073741849.305709146634&type=1

Above photo: me, Rt. Rev'd Duncan Gray (his 1st day with us as bishop in residence at St. Paul's), Fr. Rob Courtney (our rector), Amelia Arthur (director of formation)

morning sunlight through a palm

"Parade Sunday" at St. Paul's 2015

The Sunday before Mardi gras is known as Bacchus Sunday or "Parade Sunday" in NOLA. Yesterday was Samedi gras and tomorrow is Lundi gras with Tuesday being Mardi gras. I haven't heard anyone calling today Dimanche gras and it just sounds weird so I'm sticking with Parade Sunday and Bacchus Sunday. I had the idea to tell my St. Paul's Episcopal Choir to bring beads and headresses, wigs, throws, and the like to church today. 

During the final hymn, (which was #460 in the Episcopal Hymnal "Alleluia! Sing to Jesus" to get plenty of Alleluias out before Lent), we recessed and threw beads, stuffed animals, toys, and lots of things to the congregation! It seemed like they really liked it. I saw more people smiling than in a long while! Also, I made absolutely sure to do it after Fr. Rob's blessing so the Liturgy itself would be only minimally disturbed (no worse than announcements, I daresay).

I also asked Fr. Rob to wear these gigantic pink beads on the way out. One of our sopranos, Tanya, brought them and it just seemed perfect.

Here is one of our tenors, Ernell, rocking a purple wig

Here is Tory, a soprano, dancing up the aisle!

I also felt that it would be a good idea for our choir tot take a photo out by the St. Paul's Church sign and it turned out GREAT!

A super fun ending to the morning!

Easter Tidings, 2014

I wanted to post this photo that was taken by Carolina Roehner on Easter Day at St. Paul's Episcopal. Fr. Rob has this fantastic idea last year of having the whole church turn around and wave! I LOVE IT! What a terrific sense of community it conveys! It made everyone smile and came at the end of a fabulous service so what's not to like?! I like how it's informal too.

Easter Sunday, 2014. Photo by Carolina Roehner

I decided to make a collage of Holy Week photos and it came out rather well! :-)

My Collage of Holy Week 2014 :-)

 Here's my choir and here I am conducting, woohoo!

Me conducting my St. Paul's Episcopal Choir and Brass on Easter Sunday, 2014. Photo by Carolina Roehner