Gratitude

Today was my last Sunday as director of music ministry at St. Paul's Episcopal Church in New Orleans. Last night, my beautiful, sweet, caring, fun, and amazing congregation threw me a gigantic going away party and fundraiser. 

It was a 50's themed Grease dinner/dance event, complete with poodle skirts, pony tails, delicious 50's comfort foods, live music, tributes, balloons, letter jackets, and much more! 

IT WAS SO MUCH FUN!!!

Here's a piece of the Second Line I got to lead with my parasol "made of Episcopal colors!"   

(Please excuse the giant gap between the video and this text...something in the embed code I don't understand!) 
As usual, I was a little nervous, but that passed very quickly as people entered, laughter ensued, and hugs were shared. SUCH a wonderful evening! I got to talk to so many folks that I wouldn't have been able to reach otherwise because of everyone's busy schedule. 

I also got to dance and I was serenaded - twice! The first song was "Summer Nights" from Grease with new lyrics written by my dear friend Meg that totally busted me and my stickers, puns, and coffee habits. I laughed SO HARD! Everyone enjoyed that and laughed right along with me! I promise to add the photo of the lyrics tomorrow. (It's in my car down the block and I am being lazy right now.)
*holding spot for the picture / text *
Next, I was given the benediction written by John Rutter sung by three choir members and it was super lovely and heartfelt. I cried. I love them so much.
Several folks spoke and my heart is so full from hearing their kind words. I will miss everyone so very much. 
My organist Liliia, who has taken up painting as a hobby, even painted a portrait of me WITH STARS in the background! 

I know that I will return. I will see them again. It's difficult to leave, but I am SO EXCITED for the journey ahead! I'm deeply grateful for St. Paul's - my choir, Fr. Rob, Bishop Duncan Gray, Fr. Ed, the congregation, the staff, our amazing school, and the beautiful building itself. I thank God EVERY DAY for this place and such genuinely loving people. I have changed in seven years here and I have grown. I have opened. 
In a super cliche of words....
I am extremely grateful!
It's hard for me to accept gifts sometimes. It's also hard sometimes to accept unconditional love. I have trouble during these wonderful times with overthinking and wondering what I can do to say thanks or to give back in response to such wonderful support and love. I will "give back" by studying my rear off (and there's plenty of THAT to work off!), working on a fulltime ministry of BEING - and at that - being a student of theology. This is all a given. It's what I'm going to seminary to do. In addition, I am stepping back and enjoying this love and these fun times. I am accepting this wondrous love. I am simply being grateful. 

You know what? It makes it easier to see God this way.
God is love...
I see God in the people of St. Paul's and in their ministries. I see it in the ways that they interact with me and with others. I'm seeing and experiencing God in the outpouring of thanks and love.
Expressing gratitude helps us benefit from the world and people around us. By getting out of ourselves, we become blessed. It also helps me to think that one doesn't create gratitude, but one sort of...."channels" it. How do we know the depths of gratitude? I think we must become aware of its source which for me, is God. Practicing gratitude allows us to connect with God through the humility it brings, followed by God's grace. How's that for a cool circle / trinity of motion?! 
Mind.blown.
Gratitude also reveals how much we need God, love, and each other.

So, THANK YOU my dearest St. Paul's and friends!!!! I love you all! I will savor the love, kind words, songs, cards, gifts, and laughter.  Thank you SO MUCH for my very first study Bible and the GORGEOUS St. Paul's cross! Thank you for also letting me keep my office laptop as I am in need of a computer that isn't thirteen years old with 100 MB left on it (yikes!) 
You are not only in my heart, but you own a piece of it :-) 
"God be with you til we meet again..."

(I'll be returning to New Orleans for holidays after semester exams and Sewanee's Lessons & Carols and I'll be spending a couple of weeks in the Crescent City. It will be in a different capacity, but I will be helping out at St. Paul's as needed. I know I'll probably be doing some singing. In the community, I'll be conducting a New Orleans Civic Symphony concert and the fabulous St. Paul's Lessons & Carols!)

#AdventWord #ASK - Prayers for Discernment

Today's #AdventWord is #ASK - December 9, 2015

I try to remember to ask for God's guidance along the many pathways I find in life. This past June, I found myself at Sewanee in Tennessee, walking between Stirling's Coffee House and another building. This pretty scene appeared before me and made me stop in my tracks. It hit me that we are always on a path in life, whether we know it or intend it, and whether we planned in advance for it or not. I ask God's guidance on my walk and I'm at a point now where that is a daily prayer....actually sometimes quite a few more times during some days!

                      

Yesterday, I turned in a giant application for postulancy (with supporting documents) in The Episcopal Church. Our diocesan ministry conference is in early January so I will have interviews then (with Standing Commission and Commission on Ministry) and should know more throughout the month. I feel called to walk down the path to priesthood and have been in the discernment process for the past year - and for many years if truth be told. Many turns in God's road have brought me to this place in my being and time will tell where I walk from here. I haven't written about it here, so directly, until now, but most of my friends know of my journey. I have been blessed beyond belief with God's calling and such a wonderful and uplifting discernment committee process full of growth, the support of my friends and family, amazing segue's from one thing into another that I could never have predicted, spiritual growth, my spiritual director, my vestry's nomination, and so much more.

If you're reading this, I ask you for your prayers, good wishes, and positive thoughts!

‪#‎Episcopal‬ ‪#‎Anglican‬ ‪#‎SSJE‬ ‪#‎EDOLA‬ AdventWord was created by SSJE (The Society of St. John the Evangelist) and is the Anglican Communion's Global Advent Calendar. I'm using it as a daily meditation, prayer, photo post, and a way to connect in spirit to millions during this season of light and hope. You can join me in creating your own. Just take a picture and post it with the day's AdventWord tags! Click HERE for their website and for their daily AdventWords.

Sunrise of the Soul

  

Sunrise of the soul! This is exactly what I feel is happening in my life right now! It's SUPER EXCITING and a bit scary too. Sometimes the butterflies are a-fluttering in excitement and sometimes they're raging a bit fearfully. I feel a bit like I've been living a foggy life....in a manner of speaking....always searching, always unsure of some things...etc. I am quite sure I will continue to live that way and even dare to presume it's sometimes a part of the human condition - to live foggily. (I want to add here that I actually love fog! It can be beautiful!) On some fronts, I am finally feeling like I am seeing the fog clear and in a very joyful way! I FINALLY feel that all of the longings, yearnings, and old tuggings are starting to get stirred up and simmered on a grand stove. I can see that something tasty is being prepared. It's a good feeling because I've been hungry for it all my life! I feel like I'm able to feel God's presence more clearly in my life for the past four or five years and mostly the past three years and even more so the past sixteen months and six months! I have this wonderful life and most things seem exactly as they should be so I'm quite happy, loving, my jobs, and absolutely loving living in New Orleans! I get to sing for some fantastic people, I get to conduct choirs, judge festivals, travel, participate in fun diocesan events, and more. Why then, do I feel like fog is lifting? Why NOW? Well, for many years now, in Milledgeville at First Presbyterian and here at UNO and St. Paul's, the pull to being more involved in ministry has resurfaced. There's a whole spiritual autobiography I've written twice which I won't share here (right now), but suffice it it say that I feel strongly that the pathway is clearing and I am becoming more aware of how God is working in me, my work, and my life. I'm not sure what the outcome of it all will be, but I am trying to stay open to the possibilities and follow where God leads - and trying to have an open heart and mind. I've been in spiritual advising for about a year now and I LOVE IT! It's helped to sort some things out, to consider new ideas and directions, and help me begin a journey to mature into a more sacred life. The best news of the day - God's with me where I am and he's not done with me yet! :-)