Transcendence on a Misty Evening

As soon as I walked out of the hospital, I could feel it and so I chose to walk slowly, savoring every moment. My whole 0.7 mile walk to the subway station this evening was a mystical and transcendent thin place. It's chilly, misting droplets filling the air, and the twilight fading into the night. The softness of the air. The hum of a streetlight. The hint of the idea of an Autumn out of place. The sounds of children playing. The smells of dinners. The oddity of civic fireflies that flickered over green garbage cans and brownstones. A multitude of languages, cars whooshing by, bells on shop doors dinging the way in or the way out, music of all sorts coming from a distance down every street, the smell of fresh laundry, and an occasional breeze in the trees. I'm so grateful to have moments like this! Moments of satisfying joy, a twinge of sadness, a breath of excitement - Moments that fill me with inexplicable longing, yet fill me with this transitory life itself. I walked from the past, through the present, and touched the future tonight. Thanks be to God.

(Photo via google, but it grasps the feelings I had).

A Hymn to the Morning Sun

The glorious sun has driven far

The mystic shades of night;

So in our souls the morning star

Hath shed His wondrous light.

#Episcopal #prayer #morning #praise #hymns
~D. Warner (http://www.hymnary.org/text/o_god_inspire_our_morning_hymn )

Sagrada familia light (by C. Carson, 2013)

God is Here

As I finish my third week of classes at the Sewanee School of Theology, I am typing away some time in the computer lab while my laundry dries down the hallway :-) With this "free time" comes an odd feeling.....am I forgetting a meeting? Is there some place I should be right now? What should I currently be working on? This meme sums it up all too perfectly:

I am pondering the new environments into which I have come...

There are many. 

They are exhilarating.

They are intimidating.

They are a challenge.

They are an adventure.

They are God-filled.

- Chapel services in the COTA (Chapel of the Apostles): Morning Prayer, Eucharist, Evening Prayer, Taize, other. I am so lucky to have the privilege to worship at such a beautifully-organized and executed level and so regularly. The singing is terrific and the Anglican chants are moving smoothly. All the sermons I've heard have been excellent. I love to hear my fellow classmates read or to watch them serve as chalice-bearer. If only I had the stamina to attend everything! As it stands currently, I am doing what I feel that I can with regards to stabilizing my schedule, fatigue, homework etc. Still, I've gone to about 3/4 of the services thus far. There is simple beauty in sitting still and breathing before each service. Gathering your thoughts, opening up a space for the spirit to move. 

It didn't feel right not to go to Evening Prayer tonight and so...
I thank God for that!

- Classes: Each level of class has its own atmosphere (and humor), but everyone seems open to hearing from each other and all of my professors are BRILLIANT. In fact, my classmates are BRILLIANT and magnificently articulate. I love that there's a quote board and that our junior class has already populated it a bit!
- Classmate groupings: Sewanee is so so sooooooooooo welcoming and inclusive. It is idyllic in one sense and just plain friendly in another. There is also a community cookout each week, a community garden, a chess club, mission society, intramural football team, choir, and so much more for everyone. Nothing is forced either. I appreciate being asked to attend things, but also being understood if I simply need to chill on my porch and stare up at the treetops. (That's awesome, by the way.)

- Nature....literally the environment of Sewanee and the diversity of the Cumberland Plateau.....all the trees, bugs, and outside stuff! It's a TON of breathtaking diversity of creation and beauty.
As much as I love being outside....that lovely nature.....so much nature.....well, let's just say I'm cool with it as long as it stays out of my apartment. 
(I love nature, really I do....)
The baby snakes inside the apartment, not so much.
Giant spiders....NOPE.
Spiders that apparently FLY/FLOAT on webs and puffs of air. I experienced this today.
TRAUMATIC.
Thanks, God.
But I didn't faint...so there's hope. 
And there was encouragement (and humor) from fellow classmates.
And there was God, turning my attitude a bit. Thank you, God.
I'm learning that the Cumberland Plateau is one of the most diverse areas of the US. I had rarely seen praying mantises before this week and now I've seen three. I had never seen Walking Stick insects and now I seem to live in the midst of a Walking Stick convention. Seriously. They are everywhere. 
Meet Jacques...

Video of Jacques talking a walk.....across the porch...

My awe in God's creation is being touched and renewed.
The space inside myself is slowly cracking back open as I get settled and make connections.

I'll end these ponderings with a few words from Fred Pratt Green and his hymn "God is Here". I'm singing it to the tune Abbott's Leigh. It fits what I'm not eloquent enough to state.....plus my laundry is probably ready now...

God is here! As we his people

meet to offer praise and prayer,

may we find in fuller measure

what it is in Christ we share:

Here, as in the world around us, 

all our varied skills and arts 

wait the coming of His Spirit 

into open minds and hearts 

Here are symbols to remind us 

of our lifelong need of grace; 

here are table, font and pulpit, 

here the cross has central place. 

Here in honesty of preaching, 

here in silence, as in speech, 

here in newness and renewal 

God the Spirit comes to each.

When I am among the trees ~ Mary Oliver

In our New Testament Class, Dr. Bill Brosend opens by praying through poetry. I love this! Here is one of the poems he used recently.

When I Am Among The Trees

When I am among the trees,

especially the willows and the honey locust,

equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,

they give off such hints of gladness.

I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,

in which I have goodness, and discernment,

and never hurry through the world

but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves

and call out, “Stay awhile.”

The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, “It’s simple,” they say,

“and you too have come

into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled

with light, and to shine.”

- Mary Oliver (b. 1935)

This Fullness...

Frenchmen Street, New Orleans at Washington Park. This is right across the street from my old apartment and I usually park my car on the street near where this bike is.

The last few weeks for me have been full, VERY full. In fact, it's been so full that it reminded me of the December concert season and trying to be in several places at once, scrambling just to reach the finish line before 1:00 AM so I can legitimize sleeping five or six hours! 

There have been lots of goodbyes, especially the last three days. There have also been old friends coming into town and some hearty and wonderful times of catching up! 

A few of my NOVA friends: margaritas and Mexican food at Superior Grill :-)

Then there was the packing. 
LAWD, the packing. 
If my friend Meg hadn't come over to help me wipe out the kitchen, I wouldn't have finished a few days early and wouldn't have been able to enjoy the last three days here as much as I have! The packing was exhausting because at first, I had to sit down and pack. *Just so you know....when your doc says "no bending" or "as little as possible of the bending over" you try to follow instructions, BUT, as fate (or Mr. Murphy of Murphy's Law) would have it, you drop more on the floor in one month than in 
your ENTIRE life.

I speak the truth y'all. 

Keys, my brush, the cat, keys again, my fork, and on and on.

50's themed farewell from St. Paul's

Packing, sweating, fancy dinners, coffee, 

one heck of a send-off from my beloved St. Paul's Episcopal, 

a nice chat with my amazing bishop, staff lunch, cat shenanigans. 

"I sure hope Mom remembers to take me too...maybe if I pack myself, that'll work!"
~Bluebell

Let me stop and say here that little miss Bluebell went to the vet from Monday until we left. She was driving me crazy climbing on boxes, pulling stuff out of bags, scampering all through the night, and she looked pretty stressed as more stuff started to pile up. It was for the best....and so I could get some actual sleep.

Loading the truck! Wow! I had a team of super phenomenal friends helping me and it took only from 9-11 AM. I could not have done it without them. I'm only allowed to lift 25-30 lbs right now (surgery recovery) and don't want to be doing that repeatedly for hours on end.

Cleaning the apartment, blech.

That last meeting (I'm looking at you, ACDA!) the afternoon after loading and discussing the fabulous Louisiana Fall Vocal Conference!

Cutting off utilities, turning in keys, banking errands, getting gas! (Side note: I'm so impressed that I remembered to fill the tank!)

Nice, quiet Starbucks, thank goodness. Feet up, relaxing! Enjoying the oaky view :-)

Coffee!!!!!!!!!!! I spent a good while in the coffeehouse. As time passed and I was sitting in a super comfy chair, I began to discover previously unknown muscles, presumably from the truck loading adventure.

Dinner! 

I'll be wandering the French Quarter with a friend in a little while for my last evening around in NOLA and for dessert too, of course. Either beignets or white chocolate bread pudding, I haven't quite decided yet. What a gift to be able to chill and enjoy a restful evening! Glad the rain stopped!

Tomorrow, I'll pick up my sweetie pie Bluebell and get on the road for this great new adventure! SEWANEE!!! 

My heart is so full right now!

This fullness has no words and yet has every word. It has swept me off my feet.

The fullness of friends who have become family. 
The fullness of goodness. 
The fullness of fun. 
The fullness of help. 
The fullness of the mixture of sad and happy. 
The fullness of anticipation, of change, of newness.

The fullness of love. 
The fullness of calling.
The fullness of life.

This fullness of God.

Transitions

Delayed post (from July 28)...
I'm in South Carolina for one of my regular visits of seeing my Mom for a few days and seeing one of my best friends (Sara) for a few days. Yesterday, I went with Sara to her church, Lake Murray Presbyterian, where she was to practice her organ music for a funeral. I've come here once or twice year for something like twelve years, always listening to organ practice, admiring the grounds, and singing in the choir on the Sundays after Christmas. It is a very welcoming church. Sara's last Sunday as organist here is August 7th. 

Photo by Caroline Carson

Coincidentally, MY last Sunday at St. Paul's Episcopal Church is also August 7th! 
Even more coincidence: we are having the SAME organ music played on that day, the only difference being that Sara is playing hers and I'm listening to mine! :-)
After listening a bit yesterday, I went into the fellowship hall to sit down and call the Sewanee School of Theology 

Student Account Services, and see about how to pay my bill for the semester. After numerous problems (on my end) and some excellent help from the Computer HelpDesk office, it was determined that I'm all set and my tuition is paid. That's done (YAY!) and while I'll need to understand how everything works later on, it was a great relief! Then, I logged into the self-service system that shows you classes, registration eligibility, etc. and wow! - it seems that I am already registered for Fall classes. I'll post that in a separate post soon.
I even got the orientation schedule, via the Facebook group for our class!
This is COMPLETELY FABULOUS!

Photo by Caroline Carson

Then, suddenly, it hit me - I'm moving in 13 days! 
It has finally become real. 
I am entering the next step toward ordination in The Episcopal Church! I've left one job, am about to leave another, and will be living on a mountain - "The Holy Mountain". I will be a student again. 
I will see the God I know in different ways.
I will experience God in new ways.
I will need God in different ways. 
I will learn about myself and others in this amazing process!
I will all upon friends in new ways, and will be crossing the threshold into new levels of trust.

Photo by Caroline Carson

I've always been one to "Go boldly" and have enjoyed experiencing adventures and even risks when they come in the form of travels, new friends, and things like cooking. This, however, is a whole new and different kind of risky. I'm stepping out of my comfort zone - even more than usual. 
- I've watched as people passed from this life to the next...
- Hiked a glacier....
- Fallen off of horses while training them to be racehorses...
- I've stood with other religious leaders on the site of a huge bombing in Pakistan, only days after the terror, hoping and praying for peace and that we would not be targets and news items. As the only American and one a very few women there, I was indeed nervous, yet mostly unafraid.
- I went for and earned a doctorate.
- I've eaten pickles (ewww), killed spiders, and given people bad news

So, why is this transition so intense? Well, I suppose it's not simply a powerful moment, an hour, an event. This is a life direction, something to embrace....in a lot of ways, it's a new life, living and working consciously under a different authority. 
I'm going to stay me, but I'll be transformed. 
That often takes time, perseverance, dedication, and trust in the very opposite of stability.....it involves trust in risk and change. It's also a different time in my life......and life is SHORT. You never know what the next second will bring!

I've taught music for about twenty years...that's not too shabby! It feels great that I've done my best and will maintain great relationships with my colleagues. I'll also keep singing regularly and directing occasionally. Still, I cannot help but pursue now what I have felt and do feel called to do in the church. It is high time to live into this journey!

Photo by Caroline Carson

In spite of this summer's tumultuous and emotional happenings (hysterectomy, trying to pack without lifting anything (recovery restrictions!), saying goodbye, excitement about my future at Sewanee), etc., I feel at peace with it all. It feels right and good!
More soon....I've got to go pack some more! :-)

Bluebell surveys the pile of boxes!

No Turning Back: Discipleship Despite the Costs (My third sermon!)

Here is the text of my third sermon and a link to the audio! :-) Thanks for reading! I can't wait to be at seminary (Sewanee School of Theology) and to actually learn the proper way to write and preach a sermon!!!!

Dr. Caroline Carson 3
Sixth Sunday After Pentecost
Year C
06.26.2016
2 Kings 2:1-2, 6-14
Psalm 77:1-2, 11-20
Galatians 5:1,13-25
Luke 9:51-62

Jesus “set his face” to Jerusalem. We’ve all “set our faces” to do something… to get something accomplished, to finish a project that. This determination and focus that we have when we “set our faces” is what we should harness when it comes to following Christ, his teachings, and when making life decisions after prayerful consideration. What if we make mistakes? Do we think of turning back?

In today’s Gospel, a village of Samaritans did not receive Jesus. I know where this area is! Our pilgrimage group drove through portions of Samaria. Jesus spent his much of his life in Galilee. Except for being born in Bethlehem and about two years in Egypt after this, He grew up, lived, and worked in close proximity to the Sea of Galilee. I can’t tell you how exciting and fulfilling to have been there and to have a real image of this place in my mind, eyes, and heart!

When Jesus began his ministry, he was in Capernaum and, from there, went out to preach and teach and heal - proclaiming the Kingdom of God to all who would listen. But, he kept coming back to Capernaum by the sea. So, why does that matter?

Because Jesus isn’t going home anymore.

No turning back.

This passage we heard today represents a precise moment – “the beginning of the end”. He is headed to Jerusalem, that center of Jewish faith and livelihood. Jerusalem, the golden. Jerusalem, where soon, people would turn against him.

In spite of the fact that a week later, he will be crucified, Jesus is not looking back and encourages the disciples not to either. This message parallels the taking up of Elijah “in the whirlwind” and Luke here wants us to know that this is the beginning of the end by telling us directly that it’s before Jesus’ death, resurrection, and ascension where he will be “taken up”. (Commentary)

Not being received in the Samaritan village… it wasn’t unusual for Samaritans to refuse Jewish people on their way to Jerusalem. It could have been cultural or a result of Jesus’ outward determination and moving through quickly along his way, “setting his face”.

No turning back.

He was on a mission to Jerusalem. James and John ask him if he’d like them to call upon the smiting element of fire to destroy the villagers. Wouldn’t it be convenient for us – if we were able to press that vaporize button in the car when someone cuts us off or almost causes a wreck? It might also come in handy when the line is a thousand people and the counter closes before we get there. That’s imaginary….and who among us REALLY wants to cause actual harm? Jesus’ reaction to James and John’s question provides an example of their temptation to use violence, anger, or frustration to solve the “problem”. It also sounds rather convenient, the way they phrased it. How many times in today’s world do we see examples of each “side” believing that they’re “right” and using deadly force to justify their goals? I’m not talking about ancient history either. Differing opinions on LGBT rights, territorial disputes, parental control, economic disaster issues, war. How many times has Christ’s name been used in these scenarios or “being Christian” used as a reason behind agendas?

When they were going along the road, someone said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." And Jesus said to him, "Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head." It seems Jesus is giving fair warning that there aren’t many creature comforts and there’s not much security in following him presently. There would be no turning back. Stop and consider the costs. He knew what was to come. Failure -“strike one” - we don’t hear of the person continuing with them. How many times have we doubted – only to see that God provides. Trust is needed.

Another asks if he may bury his father before he follows Jesus and is told “let the dead bury their own dead”. Here, the opportunity, the call to follow Jesus must come above all other things, it means going forward despite the cost. (Commentary p. 216). Saying you shouldn’t bury your father sounds rather harsh, but isn’t Jesus really getting at the idea of divided loyalties? Let those who remain unaffected by spiritual things, take care of the physical dead. If you are spiritually alive enough to recognize Christ’s call, then follow, without hindrance. Strike two? Again, the individual means well, but isn’t following him. Trust, and risk, are needed.

Another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but let me first say farewell to those at my home." Jesus said to him, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." Strike three – turning back. This passage reminds me of Lot and his wife - her looking back and turning into a pillar of salt. Musically, it also reminds me of the myth of Orpheus with his lute, turning back to Eurydice in what Virgil called the “madness of love”. In both cases, turning back broke the “deal” and both men were bereft of their wives. So, does this disobedience to God result in finality? In 6th century BC mythology it did. In the time of Lot and the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah it did. The cities may have been destroyed as the result of a natural disaster. Geo-Archaeology says that the Dead Sea was devastated by an earthquake between 2100 and 1900 BC, which could have unleashed showers of steaming tar. Clearly -

No turning back.

And just what does happen if we look back while plowing? Our rows will be crooked. This makes perfect sense to me now because of the Palestinian hills I saw a little over a week ago. The land is rocky beyond belief. Looking back would cause great issue. Discipleship requires focus. If we look away and alter our course one degree while crossing an ocean, it spells trouble. Using the 60 to 1 rule in aviation, for every degree you fly off course, you’ll miss your target by 92 feet every mile. That’s about one mile off for every sixty flown.

If you started at the equator and flew around the earth, one degree off would land you about 500 miles off target. So, the longer you travel off course, the further you will be away from the intended target. Is that acceptable? Nooooo. On a flight from LGA to LAX, that might put me 40 miles into the Pacific Ocean. One degree off could be the difference between making it to a conference on time, or actually using the seat as a flotation device.

My discernment was and is - a period of exploring the ins and outs of the call to serve Christ (We’re all called to serve Christ). What is the right course? Initially, it IS a period of having that option to discuss turning back. My call to follow where God leads was revealed and determined – officially and out loud. It was uncovered and I feel like it’s a garment I’ve been wearing that now shines brighter.

Joyfully, No turning back!

So, how do we – not “make”, but allow Jesus to be a priority in our lives? It is really up to us. Have you noticed that he invites rather than coerces? Those who use Christianity itself as a weapon do not hold following Christ as a priority. It seems they check off “doing” various things that are “required” in order to “prove” their right or to get into Heaven. From the Gospel of Matthew: (6:33) “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God”.

Proclaiming the gospel is not limited to the disciples we read about in the past. Each of us must stay the course and commit to following God’s lead. We all have varied gifts. What are yours? How will you use them, moving forward, not looking back. There must be diversity within the ministry of Christ’s body. How much will we each trust God, perhaps blindly and without anywhere to lay out head? How will we not turn back?

My discernment is now a question of how, when, and where to follow. I’m moving, leaving job, career, family, and friends – for a great unknown. There needs to be a focused commitment, a study without distractions, without extra tasks to finish up, to follow where God leads.

No turning back! ….rather a turning into.

My discernment WILL BE ongoing. Time passes, we learn, we live, and experience God’s working in our lives. Rather than looking back to make sure my plow is doing its job, I’ve got to look forward and trust that God will lead me. That is often very difficult because I’m a planner aaaaand a bit of a control freak. I’ll be shaped: molded in spirit and sculpted in the foundation of Christ’s teachings. I’m nervous. I’m more excited though. I have those errands to run and things to do before I go, but they seem of little consequence now that I am becoming more focused. A life of faith asks that we move forward, step by step, not letting the distractions of the world lure us away.

(Sung) - I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back….no turning back!

Pentecost, 2016

PENTECOST

What exactly is that? Why do we wear red? Why do we read the Gospel in different languages? What's this about "the birthday of the church"? I put together some easy and short info. to help answer these questions ~ Caroline

What is Pentecost?

June 8th marks "the Fiftieth day" of Easter and is a prominent feast in the calendar of ancient Israel celebrating the giving of the Law on Sinai, and also later in the Christian liturgical year commemorating the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the twelve Apostles of Christ. In the Eastern churches, Pentecost can also refer to the fifty days between Easter and Pentecost, hence the book containing the liturgical texts for Paschaltide is called the Pentecostarion. The feast is also called Whit Sunday, Whitsun, or Whit, especially in England, where the following Monday was traditionally a holiday. Pentecost is celebrated seven weeks (50 days) after Easter Sunday, hence its name.  Pentecost falls on the tenth day after Ascension Thursday.

Source: http://aibtv.com/interfaithcalendar/p-ups/may/pentecost.htm 

What happened that day?

Ten days after Jesus ascended into heaven, the twelve apostles, Jesus’ mother and family, and many other of His disciples gathered together in Jerusalem for the Jewish harvest festival that was celebrated on the fiftieth day after Passover.  While they were indoors praying, a sound like that of a rushing wind filled the house and tongues of fire descended and rested over each of their heads.  This was the outpouring of the Holy Spirit on human flesh promised by God through the prophet Joel (Joel 2:28-29).  The disciples were suddenly empowered to proclaim the gospel of the risen Christ.  They went out into the streets of Jerusalem and began preaching to the crowds gathered for the festival.  Not only did the disciples preach with boldness and vigor, but by a miracle of the Holy Spirit they spoke in the native languages of the people present, many who had come from all corners of the Roman Empire.  This created a sensation.  The apostle Peter seized the moment and addressed the crowd, preaching to them about Jesus’ death and resurrection for the forgiveness of sins.  The result was that about three thousand converts were baptized that day. (http://www.faithinterface.com.au/christian-theology/pentecost-sunday-whit-sunday)

Among Christians, Pentecost commemorates the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the Twelve apostles and other followers of Jesus as described in the Acts of the Apostles.  For this reason, Pentecost is sometimes described as the "Birthday of the Church." 

(by Rev. Jay Sidebotham) 

The Pentecostal movement of Christianity also derives its name from the New Testament event.

We wear red because it is the color of fire and blood. Red is liturgically used for Palm Sunday and Pentecost and reminds us of the tongues of fire as the Holy Spirit descended.

                

(The picture above is an icon of the Christian Pentecost, in the Greek Orthodox tradition. This is the Icon of the Descent of the Holy Spirit on the Apostles. At the bottom is an allegorical figure, called Kosmos, which symbolizes the world.)

We read in different languages because the idea is: Many languages, one prayer! It is because of this passage from Acts 2:1-4 "When the day of Pentecost had come, the disciples were all together in one place. And suddenly from heaven there came a sound like the rush of a violent wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting. Divided tongues, as of fire, appeared among them, and a tongue rested on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other languages, as the Spirit gave them ability." Some congregations choose to read The Lord's Prayer in many languages and some read the Gospel. If you ever have the opportunity while traveling to say The Lord's Prayer simultaneously with others speaking several languages, it is very striking and can be quite an emotional experience!

Various symbols of Pentecost include flames, wind, doves, and the breath of God and the Holy Spirit.

Other traditions included scattering rose petals from the ceiling of the churches (Italy), blow trumpets to represent the mighty wind (France), and Morris Dancing & cheese rolling (England). (http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morris_dancing) In at least 22 nations, Pentecost Monday is a public holiday. 
Here are a few more memes. This one, I put together last year :-) I used to sing these words while processing down the aisle to "Hail Thee, Festival Day" and my friend Paul sent me a picture of his fancy vegetables last year along with the quote which I've told EVERY choir I've had since I began directing, HA!

and this one below that I also like :-)

"We didn't start the fire.
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning"

A Good Friday Thought, 2016

Today we break all barriers that come as obstacles in the beauty of our creation. We cannot be "an Easter people" without reliving the depths of divine despair. 

Cross of St. Paul's Episcopal, NOLA by Caroline Carson

An Episcopal Service of Tenebrae, 2016

I LOVE the service of Tenebrae and this is the third year we have held it at St. Paul's Episcopal in New Orleans! We used to be the only ones who did it in our area, but now there are more....YAY!! 

It is so lovely and is a highlight of Holy Week. The 40 pages of mostly plainsong includes wrenching passion from the psalms and poignant readings. It is also quite special to have a service of prayer and meditation under cover of darkness. It can be stunning. Last year, I wrote a post about Tenebrae itself. HERE, you can read that. For this post, I simply wanted to share some photos I took last night and say that if you can attend this service next year, DO IT! 

The Origins of Tenebrae
The liturgy offered this night is the full, ancient form of Tenebrae. Tenebrae is a Latin word signifying “darkness,” “shadows,” and “obscurity.” It is a word that pointedly calls our attention to the scriptural accounts of our Lord’s crucifixion: The name of this service is taken from the opening words of the fifth responsory: “Tenebrae factae sunt”—“darkness came over the whole land” (Mark 15:33; also, Matthew 27:45; Luke 23:44).

It is a moving descent into the darkest days of the church year as we descend into darkness and await the ascension into light at The Great Vigil of Easter. The Medieval offices of Matins and Lauds which were combined to create Tenebrae were the usual morning offices recited by the monastic communities ministering in the Roman basilicas and collegiate churches of Europe. At Matins the morning is greeted with prayer even before the sun rises and they developed out of the nocturnal times of prayer and watchfulness (vigiliae) that were common in the early church. Matins traditionally included three distinct sections called Nocturns (meaning “divisions of the night”). The office of Lauds, which in Tenebrae follows the Third Nocturn of Matins, is the traditional morning prayer of the church in the western world. The word “laud” means “to sing or speak the praises of” and originally implied a formal act of worship.

The union of the two liturgies produced a ritual greater than the sum of its parts. Through their correlation with the systematic extinguishing of candles unique to Tenebrae, those who originated the ceremony gave a new and greater interpretive task to the psalms and canticles. As noted, in their new liturgical context these poignant scriptural laments serve as commentary upon the darkness that gradually enshrouds the church and ominously envelops Jesus’ life during Holy Week.

Open my lips, O Lord, and my mouth shall proclaim your praise.

Open my lips, O Lord, *

and my mouth shall proclaim your praise.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, *

and renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from your presence *

and take not your holy Spirit from me.

Give me the joy of your saving help again *

and sustain me with your bountiful Spirit.

Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit: *

as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be for ever. Amen. 

(From Psalm 51, as found in the Book of Common Prayer)

Rosedown Plantation, St. Francisville, Louisiana

Live your life - NOW

Never allow waiting to become a habit. 

Live your life NOW. 

Take risks, dream and imagine, 

follow your heart!

Go and climb that mountain, 

Swim in that sea,

And be the life that you want!

My view from the train after crossing the Brenner Pass and heading back to Innsbruck, Austria

My First Sermon

Dr. Caroline Carson 1
First Sunday in Lent
Year C
02.14.2016
Deuteronomy 26:1-11
Romans 10:8b-13
Luke 4:1-13
Psalm 91:1-2, 9-16

First, HERE is the audio file!
This is my first sermon and I haven't yet studied Homiletics so...be gentle in thy critique.


Don’t worry everyone, I’m not going to sing this sermon, tempting though that may be! ;-)

“and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil…”

In these powerful words, Jesus tells us that we will need some help when (and not IF, but when) we are tempted or tested. The scene in today’s Gospel account was recorded by Matthew, Mark, and Luke, but not John. (Jackson) Luke’s Gospel reads: “After his baptism, Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness.”

Now, wait just a moment…Led by the Spirit… Jesus was not there by accident? Why? Doesn’t it disturb us that Jesus was led by the Holy Spirit to be tempted? Maybe a little, but perhaps no more so than the fact that Christ was sent into the world to die. (Jackson).

We are all led at one time or another, by a series of decisions and consequences, by a gut feeling, on a recommendation, and yes, even by God himself, into our own wildernesses. In a mix of our own actions and maybe some consequences beyond our control, in a way, we are set up to be tempted. Certain situations make us as fragile as little pieces of kindling, ready to be struck by a match we didn’t intend, only to spread fire and destroy the entire forest.

Why was Jesus led into the wilderness to be tempted? Did God want to test his own son? Right after Jesus’ Baptism and the holy moments of his father speaking “This is my son, with whom I am well-pleased” ?… Did Jesus choose this, knowing he would be setting an example for the future of humankind? Was God trying to see if his son was becoming spiritually arrogant…over confident in what must surely have been the security of being divine? As Fr. Rob said two weeks ago “Believing in yourself is an act of faith.” Isn’t it a fine line? A fine line between being confident enough and being haughtily over-confident. Are we tempted sometimes to fool ourselves into believing our answers or our actions sometimes, even if they’re not exactly truths?

Was Jesus there to grow? To prepare? Aren’t we also led down wild forest paths and through dark valleys in preparation with the outcome of personal growth? Like all good preparation, this scene is grounded in the aura of God. Jesus had just been baptized and was marked for all to see as God’s son. Perhaps Jesus was not expecting to be tempted, but he was ready.

How often do we let God or his word into our preparations? For me it’s often after the fact, when I know I’ve messed things up and need God’s help and/or support while I walk with him through another dark vale. Wherever I fit on the sliding scale of including God in all aspects of my life, I’m quite sure I could infuse my life with a greater portion!

Lucky for us, Jesus’ examples enable us to meet our tests head on.
Test 1 – “Command this stone to become a loaf of bread.” Jesus says “NOPE”.
It’s true, “man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” It’s still not as simple as it sounds. In Jesus’ time, bread was THE biggest item in one’s diet. Bread was like maize to early cultures, like kingcake to Mardi gras, like ten pots coffee for me on a Monday. That said, there was a time and a place for miracles and this was neither. If he could go 40 days in fast, then another few minutes to an hour was inconsequential – besides - there was no audience to see about rocks becoming stones out in the forest. If he had performed a miracle, it would have looked impatient and as if he did not trust his father and his father’s will for him.

Test 2 - Jesus says “NOPE” in response to worshipping Satan and ruling the kingdoms of the world. Well guess what – it wasn’t the devil’s to give. Aaand – again, it wasn’t necessarily the time to be showy about using the power God gave him. Later, he showed his power over sickness, hunger, and even death. This was for a different purpose and for a different kingdom, an eternal one. Why would Jesus be tempted by this false offer of power? Wasn’t the devil smart enough to come up with something a wee bit more enticing? Think deeper, if Jesus had ruled over the nations, this would have included Rome….which was basically known at the time for tossing dirt in Israel’s face. A bunch of others: Syrians, Assyrians, and Babylonians all dominated and brought ruin to Israel at one time or another. so Jesus actually would have had the power to show revenge on behalf of his own people. That’s a little better Satan, but Christ shows he isn’t like that. He may have turned over some tables in his time, but he is capable of some restraint.

Test 3 - "If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here, for it is written, 'He will command his angels concerning you, to protect you.” And with this we have the final “NOPE” from Jesus and it was an easy one, taking only the confidence in his knowledge that God should not be tested.

Soooo, back to this bit about preparation… Have you ever noticed the stones in your life that you wish could be bread instead….and if you JUST had it, “it would fix everything”?
Maybe your stones, like mine, are financial. Perhaps they are situational. If you just didn’t have to go through with that root canal, that house sale, to tell your children their beloved pet has died, or to tell your child, or yourself, you can’t do something you REALLY want to do. As he pleads later… “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me…” (Luke 22:42) Is Jesus not led here in preparation for a greater cause?

What if you had the best job, the highest salary, the most influential position? What if X politician wants to show he/she can do more good than Y politician? Consider that true power is shown in words found later in Luke’s gospel (12:48) “to whom much is given, much is expected.” WE hold the box of matches and with God’s help in our dry, thirsty tempted selves, we try to avoid striking them. Don’t play with matches, especially in a dry forest.

“and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil…”

“Man does not live by bread alone”. WHAT IF your temptations are more spiritual in nature? Do you ever doubt? If you didn’t I’d be worried. Faith isn’t faith unless stained by the colorful glass and tribulations of our doubt. Humanity is curious. We ask questions when we want to know about things. We ask questions also when we need reassurance. Will so-and-so remember to take care of ________? If I take a day off, will the office be able to run without me?

“and lead us not into the temptation...of doubt…”

One of my best friends up in NYC, who is a priest, wrote once that another priest had come to him in confidence. This colleague trusted him enough to share the depths of his struggles, saying to him in great fear that he wasn’t sure he believed: in God, in Christ, in anything anymore. Imagine experiencing that. Imagine a point in your life at which you have felt the lowest or have been in utter despair. What a stone – this is well past hunger. Instead of berating him, ostracizing him, judging him, or trying to convince him otherwise, my friend simply told him “Then, I, and others, we will believe for you right now”. What a response! What beauty of God’s grace shown to him in that moment!

I’m just guessing, but I’ll bet that most of us are faced with this kind of spiritual doubt at some point in our lives. I found great solace in my friend’s story, but also in Michael Ramsey’s words in his book The Christian Priest Today. This short little book is one I will read over and over for Ramsey’s wisdom and advice. He writes “You put yourself with God, empty perhaps, but hungry and thirsty for him; and if in sincerity you cannot say that you want God you can perhaps tell him that you want to want him; and if you cannot say even that, perhaps you can say that you want to want to want him!” (Ramsey) Now that is hope and THAT is provision from God and fills deeper than any mortal bread.

“and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil…”

I am reminded of Jesus’ words according to John (John 14:1): “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.” I bring it up to remind us all of the last line in today’s Gospel “When the devil had finished every test, he departed from him until an opportune time.” Why is this left open-ended? Was Luke trying to tell us something? Or, is it perhaps that it is for us to finish the story in our own lives?

“None, however holy, are exempt from temptations.” (Emerson) We can expect challenges to appear over our lives, in fact, it’s part of being human. We can expect that since we tend to live in patterns, some of the same challenges may appear repeatedly. Consider that our answers and the ways which we face these temptations may change over time! Again, it is by Jesus’ examples that we have hope of overcoming our wildernesses. In our dark forests, Christ is our light.

“and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil…” and in so being delivered, remember that “only you can prevent forest fires”.


Sources:
1. The Christian Courier - https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/1208-temptations-of-christ-the - Jason Jackson
2. http://americamagazine.org/content/ignatian-educator/why-did-christ-allow-himself-be-tempted - Matt Emerson
3. The Christian Priest Today, Michael Ramsey
4. The Gospel of Luke
5. SMOKEY THE BEAR :-)

I think the first service was a bit rough in my delivery so I deleted that recording. I think the second service had most folks engaged and while I may have spoken rather rapidly, it wasn't "too fast" in my own opinion. I'm sure some will disagree. As a Postulant for the priesthood and looking at seminaries, I am quite honored to have this chance to deliver a sermon! I am indebted to my fabulous rector, Fr. Rob Courtney, for the experience, advice, and support!

Image by Caroline Carson

#AdventWord #CARE - Sunday, December 6, 2015

Today's #AdventWord is #CARE - Sunday, December 6, 2015

Take time to care for your spirit by caring for yourself. Sometimes mountains views and coffee help! :-)

Photo taken at St. Mary's Convent & Retreat Center in Sewanee, TN. 2015 

AdventWord was created by SSJE (The Society of St. John the Evangelist) and is the Anglican Communion's Global Advent Calendar. I'm using it as a daily meditation, prayer, photo post, and a way to connect in spirit to millions during this season of light and hope. You can join me in creating your own. Just take a picture and post it with the day's AdventWord tags! Click HERE for their website and for their daily AdventWords.
#SSJE

A Prayer of Thanksgiving

A Prayer of Thanksgiving

(as found in the Book of Common Prayer, The Episcopal Church)

Accept, O Lord, our thanks and praise
for all that you have done for us.
We thank you for the splendor of the whole creation,
for the beauty of this world,
for the wonder of life,
and for the mystery of love.
We thank you for the blessing of family and friends,
and for the loving care which surrounds us on every side.
We thank you for setting us at tasks
which demand our best efforts,
and for leading u to accomplishments which satisfy and delight us.
Above all, we thank you for your Son Jesus Christ;
for the truth of his Word and the example of his life;
for his steadfast obedience,
by which he overcame temptation;
for his dying,
through which he overcame death;
and for his rising to life again,
in which we are raised to the life of your kingdom.
Grant us the gift of your Spirit,
that we may know your Spirit and make your Spirit known;
and through your Spirit, at all times and in all places,
may give thanks to you in all things. Amen.

Zion Canyon, 2012 by C. Carson